You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
