how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
