If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
