She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
