Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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