so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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