So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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