did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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