Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
