idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
