yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
