If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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