Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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