You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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