guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
