dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
