it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
