Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize