Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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