Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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