There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
