I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
