Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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