I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
