The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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