Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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