....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
