whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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