Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
