at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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