I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
