The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
