i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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