Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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