my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize