sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
