a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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