It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
