My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Couch. On fire.
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