how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
