The best revenge is premature balding
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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