Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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