We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize