You just made me feel so damn special
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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