The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
