Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize