We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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