Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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