I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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