I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this boner is exhausting
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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