how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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