Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize