why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
