It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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