Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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