exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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