It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
