Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
