I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I still have a little drunk in my system
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize