went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
