she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
