She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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