Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This is not my ceiling
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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