You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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