Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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