you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
