Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
