fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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