I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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