That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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