i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
