After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
