Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
