I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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