Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
