You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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