update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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