i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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