just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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