Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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