Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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