I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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