Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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