For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
