So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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