Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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