A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
