My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize