dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Of course I have a pirate flag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
