There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
