You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
