Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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