But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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