Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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