i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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