no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize