I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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