how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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