is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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