i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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