I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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