jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
