I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
