I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
