you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
