Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
